Meet the Spartans () - Plot Summary - IMDb
called Star Worlds Episode XXXIVE=MC2: The Force Awakens The Last Date Night, Epic Movie, and Meet the Spartans now have Star Wars in their Seltzer and Friedberg most recently helmed the Fast & Furious spoof. Meet the Spartans () on IMDb: Movies, TV, Celebs, and more I take scenes from movies you know and make them funny. . You would think after having their last two films be on the bottom of this site, the makers would say, "Lets try something .. While it may be funny a first or second time, it gets old fast. Script taken from a transcript of the screenplay and/or the Gerard Butler Sparta Movie. In the end a Spartan's true strength is the warrior next to him. So give . Do it quickly before we decide to make our wall just a little bit bigger.
What is your profession? I'm a potter, sir. You see, old friend? I brought more soldiers than you did. All his 40 years have been a straight road It has followed us since Sparta. Where are all the people?Meet the spartans- Dance-Off
I put their number at around They came with beasts from the blackness. With their claws and fangs Have the gods no mercy?
The child speaks of the Persian ghosts, known from the ancient times. They are the hunters of men's souls. They cannot be killed or defeated. We'll put their name to the test. Into the Hot Gates we march. Into that narrow corridor we march Spartans, citizen-soldiers, freed slaves.
For honor's sake, for duty's sake, for glory's sake, we march. Into hell's mouth we march. Let's watch these motherless dogs It does look like rain. Zeus stabs the sky with thunderbolts Only one among us keeps his Spartan reserve.
I'm afraid gossip and protocol Is such secrecy needed? How am I to trust beyond the walls of my own home? Even here, Theron has eyes and ears which fuel Sparta with doubt and fear. You speak as if all Sparta conspires against you. I wish it were only against me. Many on our council would vote to give all we have And you can arrange for me to speak to the council? If it is reason they want, I will let them know. Know what, my queen? Freedom isn't free at all. That it comes with the highest of costs, the cost of blood.
I will do my best to gather our council. And its chamber shall be filled with your voice. Leonidas is my king as well as yours. I saw those ships smash on the rocks. How can this be? We saw but a fraction of the monster that is Xerxes' army. There can be no victory here. Why do you smile? I have fought countless times Keep going, you dogs! I am the emissary I demand that someone show me your commander.
Do you think the paltry dozen you slew scares us? These hills swarm with our scouts. And do you think your pathetic wall will do anything Our ancestors built this wall And with a little Spartan help You will pay for your barbarism! It's not yours anymore. Run along and tell your Xerxes he faces free men here Your women will be slaves.
Your sons, your daughters But not you, no. By noon this day you will be dead men. A thousand nations of the Persian Empire descend upon you.
Our arrows will blot out the sun. Then we will fight in the shade. The wall is solid. It'll do the job of funneling the Persians into the Hot Gates. Have the men found any route through the hills to our back? There is such a route, good king.
Just pass that western ridge. It's an old goat path. The Persians could use it to outflank us. Not one step closer, monster! Wise king, I humbly request an audience. He is a good soldier There is nothing to forgive, brave king. I know what I look like. You wear the crimson of a Spartan. I am Ephialtes, born of Sparta.
Meet the Spartans
My mother's love led my parents to flee Sparta Your shield and armor? I beg you, bold king, to permit me My father trained me to feel no fear, to make spear and shield and sword I will earn my father's armor, noble king I will kill many Persians. Your father should have taught you how our phalanx works. That is the source of our strength. Each Spartan protects the man to his left A single weak spot and the phalanx shatters.
From thigh to neck, Ephialtes. I am sorry, my friend. I cannot use you. Dispatch the Phocians to the goat path This is where we hold them. This is where we fight! This is where they die! Earn these shields, boys! Remember this day, men Lay down your weapons!
Come and get them! Is that the best you can do? Well, let's give them something to drink. Hell of a good start. Today no Spartan dies.
We do what we were trained to do Is doing what children do best. Your son starts the agoge next year. That is always a difficult time for a Spartan mother. Yes, it will be hard. You will speak before the council in two days' time.
My husband does not have two days. Think of the two days as a gift. Theron wants what you control. It's his voice you must silence. Make him your ally You are wise as you are kind. You should keep a better eye on him if he's to be king one day.
Be unfortunate if anything were to happen to him. Or to his beautiful mother. Our Greek comrades are begging for a crack at the Persians, sire. I've got something I think they can handle. Tell Daxos that I want him The Persians are approaching. Too small for an attack. If they assassinate me, all of Sparta goes to war. Pray they're that stupid. You must be Xerxes. Let us reason together. It would be a regrettable waste We've been sharing our culture with you all morning.
Yours is a fascinating tribe. Even now you are defiant It isn't wise to stand against me, Leonidas. Imagine what a horrible fate awaits my enemies And I would die for any one of mine. You Greeks take pride in your logic. I suggest you employ it. Consider the beautiful land you so vigorously defend.
Picture it reduced to ash at my whim. Consider the fate of your women. Clearly you don't know our women. I might as well have marched them up here, judging by what I've seen. You have many slaves, Xerxes It won't be long before they fear my spears It's not the lash they fear But I am a generous god. I can make you rich beyond all measure. I will make you warlord of all Greece. You will carry my battle standard to the heart of Europa. O king of kings. Such an offer only a madman would refuse.
The idea of kneeling, it's You see, slaughtering all those men of yours has Well, it's left a nasty cramp in my leg There will be no glory in your sacrifice.
I will erase even the memory of Sparta from the histories. Every piece of Greek parchment shall be burned. Every Greek historian and every scribe shall have their eyes put out Why, uttering the very name of Sparta or Leonidas will be punishable by death. The world will never know you existed at all.
The world will know that free men stood against a tyrant. That few stood against many. And before this battle was over You fought well today Maybe if I'm injured, you'll be able to keep up with me.
Perhaps I was so far ahead you couldn't see me. More likely offering your backside to the Thespians.
Pile those Persians high. For unless I miss my guess They have served the dark will of Persian kings for years. Eyes as dark as night. Teeth filed to fangs. The personal guard to King Xerxes himself. The Persian warrior elite. The deadliest fighting force in all of Asia: The god-king has betrayed a fatal flaw: Easy to taunt, easy to trick.
Before wounds and weariness have taken their toll Xerxes has taken the bait. We put their name to the test. Show the Spartans what we can do. They shout and curse They make a wondrous mess of things.
Brave amateurs, they do their part. They fail our king's test. And a man who fancies himself a god And our honored dead. Whom will Xerxes dare to send next? There's nothing that can stop us now! Even the king allows himself to hope for more than glory. Such mad hope, but there it is: We can hold the Hot Gates. Those behind cry, "Forward!
One hundred nations descend upon us, the armies of all Asia. Funneled into this narrow corridor, their numbers count for nothing. They fall by the hundreds. We send the severed bodies and the fragile hearts back to Xerxes' feet. King Xerxes is displeased with his generals. Xerxes dispatches his monsters from half the world away. Not now, I'm a little busy. And upon seeing the headless body of his own young son He goes wild, blood-drunk. The captain's cries of pain at the loss of his son It takes three men to restrain him and bring him back to our own.
The day is ours. No songs are sung. Your gods were cruel to shape you so, friend Ephialtes. But I am kind. Everything you could ever desire I will grant you. For I am kind. Embrace me as your king and as your god. Lead my soldiers to the hidden path that enters behind the cursed Spartans I want it all.
And one more thing I want a uniform. Unlike the cruel Leonidas, who demanded that you stand Yes, but I did not ask you here for small talk, Theron. You can be sure of that. You never spared words with me. Can I offer you something? I'm sorry to disappoint you, it's only water. I'm told it's been arranged for you to go before the council. I need your help in winning votes to send the army north to our king.
I can see it, the two of us standing together. Our voices as one. But why would I want to do that? It proves you care for a king who right now fights for the very water we drink. But this is politics, not war. Leonidas is an idealist. I know your kind too well. You send men to slaughter for your own gain. Your husband, our king, has taken of our finest to slaughter. He's broken our laws and left without the council's consent. You're as foolish as Leonidas if you think men don't have a price in this world.
All men are not created equal. That's the Spartan code, my little queen. I admire your passion. But don't think that you I own that chamber I could crush the life out of you right now. You will go before the council, but your words will fall on deaf ears.
Leonidas will receive no reinforcements, and if he returns, without my help Do you love your Sparta? Your husband fights for his land and his love. What do you have to offer What does a realist want with his queen? I think you know.
This will not be over quickly. You will not enjoy this. I'm not your king. I trust that scratch hasn't made you useless? It's just an eye.
The gods saw fit to grace me with a spare. Curses the gods and mourns alone. Undone, I tell you. Our hunchback traitor led Xerxes' lmmortals to the hidden goat path behind us. The Phocians you posted there were scattered without a fight. By morning, the lmmortals will surround us. The Hot Gates will fall. Have you gone mad? There is no glory to be had now.
Meet the Spartans | Film Review | Slant Magazine
Only retreat or surrender. Well, that's an easy choice for us, Arcadian. Okay, not funny, but at least it's over After the credits seem to be over, deleted scenes are shown simply to make the movie more than 70 minutes. During the deleted scenes, Dane Cook, George W. Bush, Tom Cruise, and Ellen Degeneres are also knocked in the hole. The joke is done 10 times over. The two extremely untalented writers of this mess want to include every movie possible, and mention every celebrity they can, and include any show they can cram in.
There are 3 instances of celebrity panels judging the Spartans in this, and it's not like it was a running joke either. It was just lack of ideas.
Much of the celebrity humor was just the celebrities pointing out their character traits. Paris Hilton, who is in a few scenes, but ultimately disappears with no point, talks about her jail time. Brittany Spears acts crazy. Lindsey Lohan gets out of rehab. Tyra Banks shows her cellulite. And every other celebrity that is made fun of, has the exact same role.
Also, there is a joke in poor taste. When Leonidas is going to be killed by a talking penguin, it says, "Say hi to Anna Nicole Smith for me. References to TV were thrown around, usually making no sense and totally pointless. Ugly Betty is the oracle. The movies were also thrown about all over so people in the audience could say, "Duh, I know what they're referencing. It made no sense why it was thrown in here.
That's how I felt about pretty much every part of this movie though.