Have children? Here's how kids ruin your romantic relationship
Help! I have a five month old DD1 and am struggling with how I feel about my relationship with her father. It began when I was pregnant - I had alway. No money, no sex, and no time. This isn't how you pictured parenthood with the man you love. Here's how to get your relationship back on track. Are you having relationship issues after having a child? fights, lack of intimacy, and emotional distance are all common after having a baby.
You lose interest in looking good. You feel motherhood gives you the liberty to look flabby and plump. You lose interest in spending quality time with your husband. You want to catch up with your lost sleep, rather than spend time with him. You do not make the sleep time of your baby an intimate time with your husband. You convert it into your sleep time. Can you see how your relationship with your husband undergoes drastic changes after your baby? The things you lose interest in are the things your husband drastically needs.
It makes him feel lost and unattended when you do not cater to his manly desires. Your husband is peevish that you do not pay attention to him. He longs for normal sexual life with you.
When you consistently deny him sex citing your tiredness, he feels sexually deprived. As a man, your husband will never outgrow his hunger for physical pleasure.
It is true that looking after your baby is quite tiring and draining. But you cannot let things drift away in your marriage after a baby. What exactly should you do to overcome your relationship problems after a baby?
Never let go your physical appearance and look plump and flabby. After your body returns to normal, do regular exercises, to keep you fit and slim.
Take care of your appearance. Look presentable and well-groomed.
Relationship Problems: So This Is What A Baby Does To Your Marriage | HuffPost Canada
It means a lot to you and your husband. Poor man, he longs for it. Do not let your husband fend for himself without giving him friendly companionship. Allocate some personal time to be with your husband.
He direly needs it. No matter what type of birth, you are looking at a minimum of six-weeks on standby. Second you will be scared to have sex, and scared not to. Your husband will give you his best empathy each night with secret hopes that his kind side will butter you up.
All empathy tapers off eventually, hopefully around the same time Date Night is reinstated. Help me, but do it how I want! Every mom likes to brag about how helpful the dad is or likes to make side comments about how helpful he is NOT. You will want dad's help with all the tasks filling your day, but you will only want his help in your way.
Soon you might hear you own voice correcting how he holds the baby, giving him orders on proper consoling technique or commenting about how nice it would have been if he took out the garbage after doing the dishes. He is simultaneously plotting ways to regain some foothold on his manhood in the house and doubting his ability to care for his own child. Your nightly scoreboard The truth is, you will secretly keep score -- of everything. From who got up last night to who changed the last diaper to who did the dishes.
You might not talk about it but each day you will mentally sum up the tally. Some couples will make special chore charts. In our house a game of Rock Paper Scissors is all we need to dole out the undesirable chores.
Saving Your Marriage After Baby: 6 Solutions to Common Problems
After all, all is fair in Rock Paper Scissors. Oh, the doubt There will be days of doubt. Can I do this? Will it always be like this?
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Can our marriage handle it? The laundry list of flaws you have learned about each other is growing. Those sweet naive moments of wanting to have kids together will be nauseating to think about. These are some tough years and adjustment into roles as new parents is about as pretty as wearing postpartum spanks and a medical-grade nursing bra.
And if you find yourself needing some expert help, don't think you are the first new parents to land an appointment with the marriage counselor.
The glue That little cooing drool monster is just another baby to anyone else. But to the parents, he or she is the most expressive, adorable, interactive, advanced being they have ever been in contact with. You will point out the characteristics your baby has inherited from each other and find yourself sharing that same chump smile. Your eyes will soften and put the week-old laundry out of focus as you recount the adorable way your little one rolled over or said banana. You will move a little closer and stare into your baby's clueless eyes.
Then you will share those sweet reassurances that you are good parents. Making the leap from coupledom to baby-makes-three is exciting, exhilarating, and wonderful. It's also exhausting, exasperating, and worrisome—a combination that can be toxic to the romantic relationship that made you parents in the first place. The bad news first: Maintaining a marriage post-baby takes a lot of time and energy, exactly what you've got the least of right now. Now the encouraging news: Working on your relationship pays off in spades.
Without all that energy expended read: Here's advice from experts as well as couples in the trenches on why this transition is so hard and what you can do to smooth things out. Chore Overload The issue: Domestic duties double, and so does your bickering.
Of course, before there was a baby, there was still laundry. And dishes, and other loathsome household tasks.
But there were never so many things that had to be done so quickly. You can't procrastinate about chores once you have an infant. Well, I did that, so you do this. One strategy to decrease infighting: Post a list of daily chores on the fridge and switch responsibilities each week. Everyone will know what he or she needs to do.
So if you think that you're always doing 90 percent of everything, you probably are. Just remember, so is your spouse.
But men often respond better to direct requests. I know it might not seem fair because you may never get thanks, but this will make your husband more receptive to future requests. And niceties breed a less combative atmosphere. Moreover, it might be catching! Parenting Styles The issue: Your parenting styles cancel each other out.
It's nice to think you'd share child-rearing philosophies, but it's often hard to predict how you'll feel about sleep, food, and discipline until you're smack in the middle of your fourth night up with baby. This is not the ideal time to discover that while you favor a sleep-training method that lets your child cry, your spouse really can't deal with tears for any amount of time.
You may also find that your parenting styles clash as you reach for the pacifier at the first sign of distress softie while your partner says no sternly when the baby starts to drum with spoons on the high-chair tray toughie. My friends Tina and Tim Anson discovered that they differed on just about everything when it came to the baby. And he lets naps happen anywhere, anytime, too. I'd come home to see Jake sleeping in the middle of a circle of toys on the living room floor at dinnertime!
Ditto for scheduled naps. Parenting Styles Explained What worked for them was letting the other deal with the consequences of his or her method.