Things I've Learned Being Married to an American Man
True Story: We've Had An International Long-Distance Relationship For The Last Years It took almost 6 moths for either of us to leave a comment on each other's blogs (he had so many readers and I . Peter: Citizenship stuff. . I'm from Philippines and he's from Bangladesh but studying in china. Powerful stories of love conquering distance — from our Facebook fans all over the world! We got married in the Philippines on August 22, , and it took us 11 months of Long distance relationship is quite difficult but it made us to stick to our promise to be I became a Canadian Citizen last year. A Filipina married to an American shares her thoughts and the things she learned overtime. “Sometimes in the middle of our ordinary lives, love gives us a fairy tale” But we continued dating despite the distance. But that only makes our relationship more fun because we strive harder to understand.
After an hour, I heard my phone receiving several messages! And it was him! He said he wanna see me so we Facetimed! There, he shared that he was seating next with two Filipinas on the plane so he was happy, and so was I. I told the two Filipinas to take care of him for he was traveling alone for the first time.
At the airport… I organized my time into going there 2 hours before his arrival, but of course Manila is so busy with a maze-like traffic jams, we reached the airport 30 minutes before his arrival.
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But when I went to the information screen, he landed 45 min earlier than the original time. I can finally hug and see this guy from the other part of the world that captured my heart. I was waiting outside where I could see the immigration, after an hour of standing there, no Jasper.
I asked the security guard if the plane from China is already here, and he said yes. I felt the nervousness then. I started to jumped behind the glass, reaching the view of the people waiting for their luggage out of excitement. But I was still jumping and messaging! I saw him texting so I bombarded him some messages! He ran towards my direction to see me up-close.
I was surprised that he got along with my family that easy. During his two weeks trip in the Philippines, everything went perfect. When he was still in the Netherlands, I asked him what kind of activities he wanted to do. But he just said, not that much because he went to the Philippines already and wants to spend the trip most of the time with me. So we often went shopping. He also met my bestfriends… And related family. Now, my husband can totally impress me with his basic Tagalog in his cute American accent.
Baseball, Football, Basketball, Hockey, you name it! Americans just love Sports. It typically involves consuming alcoholic beverages and grilling food that occurs in the parking lots at stadiums and arenas before and occasionally after games. Bringing the House Down!
Cheering for the Bulls at United Center, Chicago 3. My husband is a Navy guy and it makes me very proud of how noble his profession is. Same goes to all who serve in all the other branches of military and other careers that put their lives at risk just so their countrymen can live safely and be free. And for the record, Americans eat rice too. My husband actually likes it!
So the culinary influence goes both ways for us. Scott even cooks Adobo for us! And as how he says it in our language: Living here and being married to an American makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. Even while key informants could have private exchanges in very public places, they were fully aware of where they were. The closet lesbian only wrote e-mail from her own home, worried that someone could be reading over her shoulder at work. Text messages afforded them more privacy.
Nevertheless, she cautiously deleted all traces of their exchanges as soon as they were sent or received. They afford us the power to be in multiple locations at the same time—in the here and now, transported to where our loved one is and in a virtual world where we can be together. But, in extending our consciousness, they have also expanded our sub-consciousness.
New media provide virtual and alternative worlds in which individuals can co-exist without necessarily imagining the same things. Put the two together and you get the unexpected: Not simply a continuation of the old relationship or a new relationship altogether but the chance to deal with unmet needs and desires in the FTF relationship Miller, Perhaps the greatest influence of CMC on key informants was its tendency to inspire imagined versions of their relationships.
Dellosa cautioned that some people have more idyllic relationships via CMC since electronic media plays on the imagination. How else would you explain the chaotic feelings brought on by the interruptions of physical reunions? The lesbians, particularly, confessed that they had more fights when they were together than when they were apart.
It was right after the emotional rollercoaster of a Philippine visit that the Taiwan-based partner decided to end the relationship. A few weeks prior to her vacation, she experienced a traumatic event that caused the accidental death of her student. After I got back to Taiwan, I was crying a lot. I became so depressed. Then, I realized that I had survived something devastating without her and I could surely survive life in general without this. I felt it was better to be free.
Somehow, CMC provides users with the courage to exchange uncomfortable messages that they would never think of expressing in their FTF interactions Pertierra, a, b; Signo, ; Solis, Essentially, there are two ways in which new media offers users control in their relationships—through the power of revelation and concealment. Subordinate individuals finally express themselves to their superior loved ones without fear of rejection.
Both the OFW nurse and the closet lesbian were grateful that they could finally ventilate their thoughts and emotions to their usually unreceptive partners.
Kasi kapag e-mail, hindi ka mai-interrupt eh. Kasi kapag magkasama kayo, minsan nakakalimutan mo na ang sasabihin mo kasi may bigla syang sinisingit. Because when you are together, you forget what to say when the other person interrupts your train of thought. Being finally able to say what she wanted to say, at the time she needed it the most, was liberating in itself. The relief of ventilation was reward enough even if she knew that the receiver managed to delay or, worse, pay little attention to her messages.
Still, key informants emphasized that CMC provided them the feeling of empowerment in their relationships. A major contribution of the technology was its ability to provide them access to their separated loved ones at any time of the day.
They were no longer victims of the distance created by time and space. Conceptually, CMC gave them the power to overcome physical and emotional separation. Furthermore, key informants were able to negotiate the roles they played and the issues they faced in their relationships.
Predictably, all but one female key informant the butch lesbian based in Taiwan played the subservient role in the relationship.
CMC provided these women a means to express their thoughts and feelings about the inequality of their status. Compelled by the technology to reply, their more dominant partners had to give in to some of their demands.
This was most apparent in the case of the lesbian couple whose communication via Internet and cellular phone decided the fate of their 98 A. For weeks, the two went back and forth as one wanted to salvage their relationship while the other wanted to give up. Eventually, they decided to part ways and terminate their communication. The Taiwan-based lesbian admitted that she expected their breakup would be more grueling.
Instead, it happened more quickly and cleanly than in her past relationships. Walther later realized that instead of new media slowing down real-time interactions, they actually mimic if not surpass the speed of face-to- face interactions. Because the communication between the troubled lesbians was more frequent and meaningful than in their FTF interactions, the resolution of their crisis happened more rapidly.
Unfortunately, they reverted back to their old ways after their reunion in the UK. He, ironically, became more distant despite the physical proximity. Virtual intimacy was never enough for the key informants who were all engaged in romantic relationships. Dellosa, a psychiatrist, acknowledged that the qualities of CMC speed, convenience, and physical detachment make it conducive to self-disclosure.
While his wife appreciated these changes, she was careful not to credit the tools for the transformation. Instead, she believed that distance simply made him realize her worth.
However, Dellosa and Nicodemus also warned that physical separation may sometimes cause individuals to censor their self-disclosure. This was especially true of the married couples who deliberately kept information from their spouses.
The wife of the OFW husband often dealt with serious issues regarding their children as if she were a single parent. She felt that it was unnecessary to share the burden with her husband who could do nothing, anyway, to help. The OFW nurse seemed much more straightforward, although she did not complain as much about homesickness and loneliness to her husband than she did with her co-nurses in the UK. Insightfully, Nicodemus likened having an OFW spouse to being widowed.
All of the above demonstrate how deeply long distance relationships have been transformed by the technology. While there is still some pessimism about the fate of LDRs, new media have made migration more acceptable than ever before. The Internet and mobile phone have given distant individuals the means to not only manage and maintain their connection but also to negotiate their roles through time. While the Internet and cellular phone can neither be credited nor blamed for the eventual development or demise of their associations, the mindful use, abuse, or misuse of the tools deeply affected the said relationships.
Key informants all agreed that CMC was crucial to the maintenance of their relationships. In fact, both the Internet and cellular phone served not only as tools but as venues for the enactment of their LDRs.
They were, on the other hand, aware that each individual exercised power and control over CMC. Their loved ones made calculated choices about what tools to use and how often to use them. Thus, messages were assumed to have conscious intent.
Both the frequency and lack of communication were interpreted to have special meaning. Of course, none of them felt that the strengths and issues in their relationships were injected by the technology. They knew that the future of their bond depended more on how they handled past dealings as well as present ones.
The Netherlands – Philippines long distance relationship – Keziah Garde
However, the speed and convenience of the Internet and cellular phone magnified strengths and issues which improved or deteriorated their relationships at a faster rate.
They were assured of greater A. Physical separation could no longer hinder the growth or decline of relationships. On the one hand was its ability to surpass the limits of time and space as proposed by McLuhan. A more significant contribution involved the empowerment of otherwise marginalized groups like women as foreseen by Hall.
Resistance to the power base in their relationships was seen in all three case studies. Still, the most significant contribution of CMC to the relationships of the key informants was their greater acceptance of migration. They credited CMC for their more optimistic view of overseas employment.
Somehow, they felt that the sacrifices made in the name of financial security were no longer as overwhelming as they were before the existence of the Internet and cellular phone.
Unfortunately, the question that still persists is: Even so, countless Filipinos have no other choice than to depend on CMC for the survival of their long-distance relationships.
Given that both Hall and McLuhan offer more optimistic outcomes, there is still a possibility that humans can overcome the obstacles of migration through the use of communication technology.
This is, perhaps, the only consolation for Filipino society when faced with continued fragmentation due to migration. As the Wired World Turns: Relationship resources for coping with unfulfilled standards in dating relationships: Commitment, satisfaction, and closeness.
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