Below, you'll find general tips for dealing with jealousy, along with “If you are in an insecure relationship, expect to have your jealousy. Overcoming Jealousy, and Control in Relationships reaction, jealousy and anger are not beneficial ways to deal with the situation and get what we want. as anger and jealousy in relationships means changing the core beliefs of insecurity. A hint of jealously here and there in a relationship might be no big deal, but what happens when jealously starts to completely take over? If you're yourself, or perhaps insecurities you feel when comparing yourself to others.
Yes, take them at their word. If they do lie to you, then they are not making a fool out of anyone but themselves - remember that. It's been said that trust is the cornerstone of any relationship. It's very insulting for your partner to have you always doubting their word or decency of behaviour. Constant questioning by you can even be as destructive as having an affair in the long run.
8 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy
You'll still distrust your partner for a while out of sheer habitbut find the strength to start acting as if you believe them. If you've been checking that they really were where they said they've been, then stop doing that.
When they tell you they love you, believe them. Save 2 Easier said than done, but stop comparing yourself to others Some not all jealousy is driven by low self-esteem. I don't understand how someone like them could be attracted to someone like me!
Does the Mona Lisa painting know why it is so valuable? Of course, you may be able to appreciate attractive qualities in yourself, but consider this: There are better looking, richer, funnier, smarter, younger people around than just about all of us, but these are qualities of a 'product'.
If he or she loves you, it will be because of an extra, indefinable quality you have that they couldn't even explain - some deep part of your humanity they connected to which transcends looks, youth, wealth, and so forth. Some of the most loved people in history have been well down the list when it comes to looks or wealth.
Stop trying to 'work out' why they can possibly like you. People with quite high self-esteem can experience intense jealousy if they tend to feel they themselves must always be the centre of things. People like this tend to look at other people as material property. And maybe they just don't want to share that 'property', even as far as letting their partner innocently smile or socialize with another person.
Perhaps as a kid they were a little spoilt. But people are not objects or toys to be constantly guarded. To love someone properly, we need to be prepared to lose them. Sounds like it, you might think and I do have my momentsbut hear me out. Anger, fear, and jealousy drive out love; and love needs a strong dash of fearlessness to flourish.
Okay, so you fear losing your loved one to someone else and possibly fear how this will make you feel about yourself. If you must keep using your imagination, use it to imagine the 'worst' happening and you still being okay; not just surviving, but thriving in this imagined scenario. Fantasize about how well you'd react, how whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Write down 10 positive ways you'd like to respond and how you'd build your life up even better if this relationship were to end. Fear is much greater when we feel that 'all our eggs are in one basket'. Don't build your whole life around any one person.
But don't leave this list lying around to be found by your partner, as this may start them feeling insecure. People sometimes try to make themselves feel better by trying to get their partner jealous.
- 7 Tips for Overcoming Jealousy in Relationships
- 8 Healthy Ways to Deal with Jealousy
- 7 Strategies on Dealing with Jealousy in Intimate Relationships
Flirting with other men or women all the time in front of your partner; constantly saying how attractive, fun, and witty someone you work with is; and going out of your way to talk about past lovers just demeans you and won't make either of you feel better in the long run. This isn't to say you have to pretend that no other attractive people exist in the world, but you can acknowledge this without using it as relationship ammunition. If your partner is ever unfaithful to you, that is a reflection of them, not you; and if this were to occur, it's better that they don't have the 'ammo' to turn around and say: Because you were always flirting outrageously with the auto repair man girl who works in the bar The imagination is great Stephen King has a stellar career from making stuff up and writing about it.
But he distances himself thankfully for him! He doesn't believe everything he writes is real just because he imagined it.
Right now, I can imagine an alien invasion headed right towards Earth.
Overcoming jealousy: The 10 Dos and Don’ts
I can vividly 'see' the pesky aliens about to land the mother ship in my local park, but I don't believe it. Stop trusting your imagination so much. Your partner is home later than you thought they were going to be.
You start to imagine them having an intimate drink with that handsome guy you saw working in her office or that luscious sister of his new gym partner you happened to see one time. You become angry, upset, frightened - without having any evidence that what you imagined is real. They come home and you react 'weirdly' by being very cold or you have an outburst of anger toward them.
They become defensive and angry back in turn. I recall seeing a YouTube video of a dog becoming very angry - with its own leg. It is how you deal with your jealousy that dictates how the relationship will continue.
Recognizing your irrationality towards normal situations will stand you in good stead to control your emotions. DO actually trust them Many people who are actually happy in their relationship, still get really jealous. But ultimately you have to ask yourself if you trust them — have they ever given you any reason to doubt their faithfulness in the past? Give them the benefit of the doubt and actually trust them — there are still plenty of good people out there who value monogamy.
Throwing yourself into projects or keeping your mind occupied by spending time with friends will help you with overcoming jealousy.
DO improve your self-esteem When trying to overcome jealousy, it might be worth also taking a look at yourself and considering perhaps why you become green-eyed easily. DO communicate properly with your partner Jealousy often arises from miscommunication and misunderstandings.
This is better than letting your mind run wild with irrational thoughts that could easily be reined in. Preparing for that all important first date? Whatever the reasoning, this is not the answer.